War Bacon

June 4, 2009

The best overheard thing at a diner.

Ever:

Old man: “I was in Korea. Can I get more Bacon?”

Waitress: “because you were in Korea?”

Old Man: “yes”

Waitress eyes him for about 15 seconds: “sure”

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Recently overhead while waiting for a haircut:

Old lady #1: That Obama plans to have the government take over the auto companies.

Old Lady #2: They can’t do that! Once the government starts taking over private companies we end up as communists!

Old lady #1: We can’t allow it. This is America – not Russia! The government has no place doing that… unless they want to take over the gas stations to make the prices cheaper!

Old lady #2: Oh! they should do that! It would help America!

Old lady #1: It makes more sense than buying private American companies…

At a very crowded P.F. Chang’s, people find themselves speaking loudly to be heard by the people next to them.  This starts a self-sustaining “noisiness” where everyone has no choice but to almost shout to be heard.  At odd moments, the conversation levels drop, and you can hear an awkward conversation:

“…and then I dropped the soap!  I was OUT OF THERE!” followed by laughter at his table…

Followed by a good 30 seconds of COMPLETE SILENCE from the room.

Yesterday was the day that Caucasian Americans get drunk to honor an event they know nothing about (the victory of Mexican forces over French occupiers.)

They also wander into diners and say interesting things…

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Man 1: “I was looking at a house I wanted to buy.”

Man 2: “Did you look in the windows?”

Man 1: “No.  People live there”

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“…that bird has no feathers…  I would suck him up in a vacuum.”

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and the inexplicable lead into a story that had nothing to do with any of the things in this quote:

“…bear with me on this one.  There I am, naked in the garage and looking for a stapler…”

I overheard two elderly ladies as they shopped:

Lady A (cheerful),”…good things come in small packages.”

Lady B (very angry),” So does poison!  That’s what my Daddy always said… I was his little one.  I come in small packages!”

I didn’t bother to figure out what that meant….